Today I was at a vending machine buying M&Ms. Instead of using a dollar bill, I coincidentally had the exact amount in spare change in my pocket. I consider those M&Ms free.
Links o’ Interest
God this gangbang is awkward.
Why the cavemen went extinct (Flinstones)
21 of the best mugshots
How not to use the drive through ATM
A clip from Ricky Gervais’s show with David Bowie at his funniest.
David Beckham gets caught looking. Guys, eh?
How to beat the claw game
Obesity map of the USA
The Global Pool of Money, a podcast from This American Life. Several other bloggers recommended this. After listening, I agree. It’s a walk through the housing finance situation. It’s neither patronizing nor overly complicate.
Barack Obama is the new…
Ineffective Security
I bought a new edger at Home Depot. They didn’t demagnetize it correctly, and it went off as I was leaving. This was my only item. The door was right in front of the cashier, so I kept walking. I figured she remembered I had just bought it from her six second ago.
No. She called me back. The manager, who had seen the entire thing, beckoned me over. He took the edger and demagnetized it. Then I left.
How did this help anyone? The point of the security system is to let them know when I’ve taken something without paying. But both of them saw me take it and both of them know I paid for it. How did demagnetizing it help anyone?
So Close…
I composed a great song last night. It had a very catchy chord structure, the kind that sounds right on the first listen without being exactly like any song you’ve heard before. The lyrics were a clever take on aging, the verses naturally lead into the tagline. I was excited about this song.
Sadly, the song was in a dream. When I woke up and ran it through my head I had a nasty suspicion. I went to the computer and confirmed it. I had managed to write new lyrics to David Bowie’s Rock and Roll Suicide. Dang it, those are good chords!
Eh, maybe I’ll write the song anyhow. I wouldn’t be the first to rip off another song.
We Must Balance the Books!
I got this email today at work from our Accounts Payable department. Notice the date!
Based on a review of outstanding expense reimbursement checks, our records show that a check issued to you on December 19, 2002 in the amount of $45 has not cleared the bank.
In an effort to keep this unclaimed payment from becoming abandoned property and subsequently being escheated to the state, we are contacting you to request your assistance. Please advise Accounts Payable if this money is still owed to you. If so, a new check will be cut and issued to you.
Please respond by August 1st. Otherwise, the unclaimed check will be escheated to the state.
Accounts Payable can be contacted via e-mail at xx@xxxxxxxx.com. You can also contact Accounts Payable Manager xxxx xxxxx at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Thank in advance for your cooperation in this matter.
xxxxx xxxxxxx
Acct. Manager- Special Projects and Analysis
Wow. They find a discrepancy five years after the fact, and are still cutting me another check. Impressive.
Links o’ Interest
Beatles lyrics, via Joe Cocker. Awesome.
All-time sarcasm winner? 10,000th shoplifter gets parade.
That’s harsh. Read the first letter of each line.
Fantastic timing for hotels.com
Reaction to the Revelation That I Do Not Own a Cell Phone, By Year
A very (isn’t that offsides?) sneaky goal.
On itching:
One morning, after she was awakened by her bedside alarm, she sat up and, she recalled, “this fluid came down my face, this greenish liquid.†She pressed a square of gauze to her head and went to see her doctor again. M. showed the doctor the fluid on the dressing. The doctor looked closely at the wound. She shined a light on it and in M.’s eyes. Then she walked out of the room and called an ambulance. Only in the Emergency Department at Massachusetts General Hospital, after the doctors started swarming, and one told her she needed surgery now, did M. learn what had happened. She had scratched through her skull during the night—and all the way into her brain.
A montage of car crashes in an icy tunnel
The douchiest phone message ever
You suck, CNN. No, You suck! No, you both suck!
Taking pictures with the light that didn’t hit the object. Or something. Quantum Mechanics is cool.
Now that’s a representative.
Bill Gates as enduser – a usability email
The super-fan career: a six-figure salary
David Bowie on David Bowie’s best songs
7 people with real mutant superpowers (I suspect fraud in at least half, but still…)
Torture News
It is now revealed what was known. We copied torture techniques from the bad guys. I liked Andrew Sullivan’s take, “But one thing is at least clear. The people who committed this form of “enhanced interrogation” knew full well it was torture. And they used that word. It’s a good one. And it means what it says.”
In other torture news, Christopher Hitchens undergoes waterboarding to see what’s it like. Much like everyone else who has tried it (voluntarily or not), he comes away convinced 100% that it is truly torture. Hard to see how anyone with a shred of honesty can argue the point.
Poker Update
I’m getting sick of my own stories. In the last three outings:
1) Bleah game. Slowly chipped away, never had anything going on.
2) Looking great, in the upper half of the field. Get a bad beat, then couldn’t crack a pair of aces underneath.
3) Average play, but worked the two big hands perfectly. Good for second place.
Tonight: $30
The two weeks before that: -$40
Running Total: $26
5-year old fun: That’s Fair
The 5-year old was recently exposed to the wonders of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo. It didn’t do much for him. He tried it two times to see how it worked. Then he said, “This is silly. Whoever you start with wins every time. That’s why it’s not fair.” We were duly impressed at his pattern recognition.
That night, he and his younger brother were fighting over a ball. He yelled, “We need to decide who gets it! [Pointing to himself to start] Eeny Meeny Miney Mo…”
Links o’ Interest
It’s a monster edition! Arranged more or less in order from funny to serious:
Notorious Hitler back in ’34.
Makin’ music with John Mayer
Top 10 Amazon Bible Reviews
I really like this guy. Fighting the HOA and parking boots in a clever way
What’s on MTV these days?
We have clues – he’s red, fat and says “Oh yeahâ€
A Movie Review Alternative to The Happening. My kind of review.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Abridged Script
My kind of greeting cards. Move over Blue Mountain.
Tiny things I hate .com
Boston responds to the Celtics win
Pick you own headline for this lunacy
Big Lebowski action figures
Charles Barkley gets pwned.
Inside GM and making the Volt.
Balancing 17 dominos on 1 domino
Win a car in the lottery. TV station does a piece, asks you to reenact it. Guess what happens?
Really, this is the only valid reaction.
How Science can get distorted by liberals.
The Economics of Bling (conspicuous consumption)
The Economics of babysitting.
Speed Humps
Here’s a real stupid idea for you: virtual speed humps.
To be sure, there is something clever about getting drivers to slow down without having to go through the fuss of actually pouring cement. But what you are really doing is training drivers to ignore speed humps. That’s using yer smarts Philly!
(Or what this guy said.)
The power of “logic”
We were driving to a birthday party. Mrs. Muttrox was in rare form.
Me: Those are some nice houses. A good sized yard for this area.
Her: Sure, but they’re over a million dollars.
Me: Really?
Her: Sure, this neighborhood is pricey.
Me: I wonder why, it doesn’t seem that great… a million dollars?
Her: Well, the ones coming up are around $900,000, so it makes sense.
Me: I guess.
(30 seconds later, we pass the next development.)
Me: I don’t see the price on the sign. How do you know those are $900,000.
Her: I don’t know, but I’m assuming they’re that much.
(pause)
Me: Wait a minute!