Good Business Lingo

Picking on business-speak is easy. But there are some good business terms. One of them is actionable. Actionable draws a distinction between knowledge that is interesting and knowledge that drives a decision. You wouldn’t want to fund an expensive research study that isn’t going to drive some action. You wouldn’t to do an analysis that will just end up in a drawer somewhere. It is only worth doing if it will drive some kind of action.

Someone who understood this was Sherlock Holmes. The below excerpt is from his first adventure, A Study in Scarlet.

His ignorance was as remarkable as his knowledge. Of contemporary literature, philosophy and politics he appeared to know next to nothing. Upon my quoting Thomas Carlyle, he inquired in the naivest way who he might be and what he had done. My surprise reached a climax, however, when I found incidentally that he was ignorant of the Copernican Theory and of the composition of the Solar System. That any civilized human being in this nineteenth century should not be aware that the earth travelled round the sun appeared to be to me such an extraordinary fact that I could hardly realize it.

“What the deuce is it to me?” he interrupted impatiently; “you say that we go round the sun. If we went round the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or to my work.” “You see,” he explained, “I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.”

Sherlock Holmes, in “A Study in Scarlet”

schlock

Incorrect understanding of how the brain learns and memorizes aside, what he is saying is that the knowledge that the earth goes around the sun was not actionable, and therefore not needed.

One dimension that actionable takes place on is time. A bit of knowledge might be useful, but not for a few years out. Another dimension is tactics vs strategy. A piece of knowledge may contribute to a better understanding of the big picture, leading to a change in strategy. Businesses will fund research that doesn’t drive any immediate actions, but will help them develop long term strategies. Just because you can’t see the immediate action something drives doesn’t necessarily mean that is is pointless. However, it is very helpful to force yourself to explicitly consider what decisions will be driven from knowledge. If you can’t come up with any, that should call for re-examination of the effort.

Interestingly enough, Holmes came to regret this attitude as Watson turned the tables on him.

Holmes: “I looked up at the sun. It was low in the heavens, and I calculated that in less than an hour it would lie just above the topmost branches of the old oak. One condition mentioned in the Ritual would then be fulfilled. And the shadow of the elm must mean the farther end of the shadow, otherwise the trunk would have been chosen as the guide. I had, then, to find where the far end of the shadow would fall when the sun was just clear of the oak.?

Watson: I imagine both trees must have grown since the Musgrave Ritual was written, but what do you mean when you say that the sun was “just above the branches? of the oak?

Homes: I suppose it must be a mile or so up to clear the mountains, but I could still tell that it was directly over the oak.

Watson: Do you remember me telling you that the earth goes around the sun? You said you would try to forget it, to leave room in your brain for more important facts.

Holmes: And so I have.

Watson: But the orbit is such that the sun is never directly overhead anywhere in England!

Homes: From where I was standing, it looked like it was right over the oak. So then I just had to locate the far end of the shadow from the elm….

Watson: But surely you’ve noticed that where the shadow of a tree falls varies with the day of the year, not just with the hour of the day? This is a direct consequence of the orbital pattern you were so eager to forget.

Holmes: It’s good that I have you to keep track of such minor details. I hadn’t noticed.

Watson: You saw, but you did not observe.

Muttroxia: The Best of 2010

2010 was a pretty lame year for Muttroxia, and 2011 is even worse so far. But you know, there were a few okay posts here and there….

Learn how to play Craps (Parts 1 and 2)

An analysis of website security questions

The readers call me out for an odd poker play

Muttrox goes to court

Many posts about our trip to France

I rip apart Bill Simmons for his stupid statistics, and this guy was pretty dumb also.

Fun with kids:
The 4-year old has standards , and he fights God. Here’s a funny story I improvised for them, and a story I stole from my boss.

Business Lingo
I join the rich conservatives for a post on housing

Joe Scarbarough likes to masturbate.

I just noticed this while I was compiling this post – I have the same complaint about the same website two times! I’d forgotten I’d already complained about it. Man, I really hate those 360 reviews!

The 7-year Old Scores a Point

During the snowpocolypse (how do you spell that?) last month our family was stuck inside for a week. We were going stir crazy. Finally the seven year old had had enough.

Him: Auuggh! I am so homesick!!
Me: Me too. But the word homesick doesn’t mean what you think, it’s the exact opposite.
Him: ??
Me: It means wanting to be home so bad it makes you sick.
Him: But Dad, being carsick means that you are sick of being in the car. Shouldn’t homesick mean that you are sick of being in the house?
Me: Hrm.

I thought he had a good point. And not just because I had cabin fever.

The Joys of Parenting

Since the day our oldest child was born, I have been waiting until he was old enough to read him The Hobbit. Was five years old enough to understand it? Would he get it at six? I was always tempted to start it, but managed to hold off until he was seven and a half. It was finally time to set him down and read.

My oldest child is jaded. He’s been skeptical and cynical all his life. Nevertheless, he was soon enthralled. His eyes went wide at Mirkwood and he was literally sitting on the edge of the bed when Smaug finally appeared. Nearly every night for a month he stayed up a little later than his brother and listened to the adventures of Bilbo Baggins. That month was a sublime experience for me, one of the pure unadulterated joyous parenting experiences.

bilbo and gandalf

Last week, “Whole Lotta Love” came on the radio while we were running some errands. Naturally, I turned it up. After thirty seconds, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “This is the best song I’ve ever heard in my whole life!” Introducing him to Tolkien was sublime. But blowing his mind with some seriously hard Zeppelin for the first time… that was special too!

zep

Links o’ Interest

Muttroxia says I’m not quite dead yet…

Joe Biden cracks up at the idea of Sarah Palin beating Obama.

And they say smoking isn’t cool. That’s cool.

Texas mailbox

Bruce Lee playing ping-pong. With nunchuks! Mindblowing.

Kids just ruin those special moments

Conan O’Brien – He does his own stunts

Objectified: He and his 5-year-old son Max, along with a few friends, made a homemade spacecraft out of a Thai food takeout container, outfitted it with an HD video camera and an iPhone, and a few weeks ago used a weather balloon to launch it into the stratosphere.

Is this considered irony?

Measuring in Hitlers

Nice comeback

Political advertising from the 1800s.

No pain, no gain.

Little Billy’s letters

Designers notes to potential client (lovely)

The 2010 Darwin Awards. This one actually has video of the death. Amazing although disturbing.

Payback

They found Waldo!

Amazing carnival basketball player

The god of cake

Acid is so much fun

The world’s biggest climbing wall

Celtics fan with over-the-top dance-along to Bon Jovi

Now this is a great trick play (football)

Collection of links of people getting more than they bargained for

Naked Grandma was the first thing you thought of!?

Frankie Muniz burn

The Genie wish

The wedding day has finally come

Two years in prison

Why Atomic Robo hates Mr. Dinosaur

Interesting facts about Prohibition

15 story building built in 48 hours.

Bad User Inteface: Login Popup

This website has a standard box for a username and password. After typing the password I hit enter. Here is what happens:

99 out of 100 websites let you hit the enter key to submit information. Therefore, there must be a simple, well understood, way for that functionality to exists. It probably takes extra effort to avoid equating “enter” with “login” in this context. But this web programmer couldn’t figure it out.

And even weirder, the website knows what you are trying to do. It knows you are trying to login, but it’s too dumb to do it itself. Why not? If you know I’m trying to login, why don’t you just log me in!?

NBA 2010

In case you didn’t notice, last night the Boston Celtics crushed barely beat the Miami Heat. Who’d a thunk it? I have very mixed feelings about Shaq being a Celtic, but if he keeps playing like last night I will quickly come to peace with it.

LeBron was roundly boo’ed during his introduction. What are the acceptable reasons to boo him?

  1. Because he screwed Cleveland over so bad.
  2. Because of the incredibly egotistical way he promoted the show of changing teams.
  3. It’s always fun taking someone down a peg.
  4. You always boo the other guy.

#2 and #4 are okay. He had the right to play for whoever he wanted, and #3 is just being a jerk (or living in Philadelphia).

Gourmet Food

(I’m stealing this story from my boss about his young daughter.)

“Hey sweetie, we’re going on a special father-daughter trip. We’re driving out to a fancy gourmet doughnut place.”
“What does that mean?”
“What does which part mean?”
“Gourmet – what does that mean?”
“Well, gourmet means… gourmet is like the word ‘fancy’, but just for food.”
“Oh. Okay!”

His wife came down as they were getting in the car.
“Where are you two going?”
“To get more gay doughnuts!”

Settle the Bet

I was about to go through airport security with a friend. We made a bet that the first one through security wins a dollar from the other. He beat me through the metal detector by 30 seconds. But it took him too long to put everything back together, I beat him out of the security area by a good minute.

[poll id=”3″]

Business Lingo

Business people talk in weird ways. For instance, Mrs. Muttrox hated it that I call people “resources”. No, she says, they are people, call them that! But when you run projects, you quickly learn that you can adjust the timelines, the people, or the money. People are a resource you can utilize, and they are similar to money or equipment in that way. When Mrs. Muttrox went corporate she started seeing people as resources also.

Business people talk in weird ways. Business people have a way of turning nouns into verbs and vice-versa. And, of course, there are people who just say things wrong or have their own unqiue ways of phrasing things. Here are some of my favorite phrases and words I’ve personally encountered in the workplace.

• Key Learnings: I hate the word learnings. It means things you’ve learned.
• Dimensionalize: This means understanding the parameters of a problem. I think the idea is that each issue is a separate dimension, and the “-izing” is the understanding of that particular dimension.
Opening the Kimono: Oh, how I hate this one. The idea of showing you have nothing to hide could be expressed any number of ways, without bring foreign cultures and sex into it.
• Liase: The act of being a liaison(derived from interface?)
• Disconnectivity: When two groups aren’t talking to each other, they have disconnectivity.
• Incenting: This means incentivizing? This turns out to be a popular topic.
• Agreeance: When two people agree, they are in aggreance.
• Confliction: The state of having conflict.
• Concepted: It means an idea was conceived
• Using something very specific to mean something general. “This campaign isn’t aimed for your New Yorks or Chicagos, it’s for your Greensboros and Portlands.” Why don’t you say it isn’t aimed at big cities, it’s aimed at mid-sized cities? I find this construction very annoying. yet it’s very effective. By using concrete examples, the brain quickly understands the categories. I would settle for adding one more word, “like”: This campaign isn’t aimed for DMAs like New York or Chicago, it’s for ones like Greensboro and Portland.
• Followership: What apparently used to mean leadership, or the state of having followers. This quote was from the promotion notice for one of our executives.

In all of his various management roles, he has showed tremendous leadership and ability to see opportunities… He also has a unique talent for creating “followership,” which is the quality that makes people want to follow him and perform at the highest level”

That’s all true, and it’s great, but that’s leadership!
• Getting micro: looking at the details
• Ownable: The advertising should have an ownable concept. Spend a few years in marketing and this makes sense. Advertising can be based around a concept that gives the consumer a sense of ownership, driving engagement and action with the advertising.
• Historical: Historical is a word. But this is always used instead of historic. “This is a historical event.” No, it isn’t. It’s happening right now.
• Futuristically: Things that haven’t happened yet?
• Solutionize: To come up with a solution.
• Transgressing information (instead of transmitting)
• Visioning: A kind of thinking. This is an explicit phase of several development processes where I work. I’m lost how this is so different than “ideation”, or “figure out what you want to do.”
• That got “permeated” through the entire site.

And completely at random, here’s a great quote from our always quotable CMO discussing calls to action:

My view is, consumers are lemmings. You tell them to click here, and goddamnit, they do it!