Here’s a little rule of thumb. When two branches of the government pass a bill that only applies to two citizens, that’s not a good bill. I don’t know how many bills meet that description, but I feel confident the rule holds. I didn’t even think it was possible to target a bill so specifically (and probably it’s not, this one is bound to fail any constitutional review).
Now that I know that, it does changes my own priorities. Instead of working for the man, I’m going to get me an office on K Street and start lobbying for the Muttrox Family and American Way Preservation Act (MFAWPA).
This Act will:
- Appoint Muttrox (me) the Traffic Czar for life. More details in a later post on what that entails.
- Guarantee Muttrox (me) 10% of any savings garnered through Social Security Privatization (I don’t expect to see a dime of that)
- Award Muttrox (me) the first American Knighthood. Sir Muttrox has a nice ring.
Let me imagine what the Traffic Czar Muttrox would support:
1. Nobody doing under 80 in the fast lane.
2. Even if you’re doing over 80, get out of the way of the Czar if he’s trucking down the highway.
3. Traffic cops that give tickets, but who by law can never show up in court if they are challenged.
4. No full service at the gas pump — self service all the way!
5. Full respect from everyone if you can change your own oil.
6. Be able to drive 43 in a 25 zone, get pulled over by a policeman, make up some lame excuse about why you don’t have your driver’s license on you, and get away with a warning (oh wait, this happens already if you’re Muttrox).